But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Randomize
