She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Randomize
