Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
