Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
