And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
