Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
