Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
