How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
