remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Randomize
