i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
