Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
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