remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
