pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Randomize
