its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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