My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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