maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
this is an emotional support booty call
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
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