You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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