He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
