You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
