She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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