I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I look excited, but its just a facade.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
