there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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