Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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