Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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