Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
