Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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