That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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