Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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