2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Randomize
