I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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