from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
