I'm lost and stupid without you.
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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