Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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