no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
