first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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