I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
