bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Randomize
