Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
