no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
