omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
dude. I can hear the air.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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