I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
