Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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