Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
