I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
