i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I just want nice things and good sex
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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