I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
