White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
