I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
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