i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
