bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
