I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
