i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
